World, meet Arb -->
Arb is "A Random Bug" (I intend to claim credit for the amusing Three Letter Abbreviation's reiteration in his name however I have only just happened upon this realization) or an "ARBitrary" (apparently this is the English slang for "arbitrary" if you hadn't already grasped that parallel - thanks Amy) bug who winged his way into our new house (and hearts) sometime in the past week and, starved for non-human house guests we named him (Amy wanted to call him "George", I think "Arb" is at least 200% cooler), he is now a member of the family.
Arb resides at a spot of his selection on the walls, ceiling or cabinet fronts in our house. We have no idea what type of bug he is since there are nearly as many bugs in Sydney as calories in Willy Wonka's factory but I think he is a "damselfly" (yes, a macho, manly, tough one of those..although he may be a girl I guess).
We have no idea what or how to feed him but hope he hangs around a while. "Where's Arb?" is a game played by the second housemate to awaken as the first will have inevitably already engaged in "Find Arb".
Any light all you aspiring entomologists out there can shed on the scientific classification of our little pet would be greatly appreciated. All greetings and well wishes will be passed on of course from those who, like us, have no clue what Arb is or where he came from.
The other stand-out happening of an all-in-all quite normal Tuesday was the unwarrantably pretentious and altogether blood-boiling treatment I received by the "Filth" (that's my personal collective noun for "heinously rude men of Lebanese descent") at the printing place around the corner from my uni today. Just the reminiscence of them makes me unfathomably enraged and altogether "chik chik boom"-ish.
I needed to print a handout carefully constructed to perfectly fit an A4 sheet of paper, double-sided and in vivid colour for a presentation I'll be making tomorrow. The collage and fact sheet are gorgeous and deserved a fine laser print on silk gloss paper, perhaps 170gsm.
On recommendation from a teacher I entered the Snap Printing store on the corner of Harris St and Broadway in Ultimo and was greeted after approximately 20 minutes (the store is the size of the interior of a Hyundai Getz, I was ignored) with a "yea?" by the brute behind the counter.
I explained that the file I desired to transfer from soft to hard copy was currently on my laptop *gesture to bag* and that it was in a Mac format. I informed that I could output this file into PDF if that were easier but that it was very important that it look excellent.
Rudely shoved (physically) into a corner and told "use that, there" with an uncouth hand gesture to a line of archaic computers faceted into the back wall with old chewing gum I sputtered that I had no idea what "that" was, nor "how to use it" "there".
Several minutes later a young man with an horrendous body odour and an even more hideous manner slid up next to me, far too close for comfort - olfactory or otherwise.
"What's up honey?" The..person enquired in a drawled accent akin to the sound a drunk person makes just before they vomit.
I suppressed a cringe (read: full body convulsive shudder of disgust) and explained my predicament to him.
"Nah, can't. Youshudusephotoghop eh" he spat
"Excuse me?" I replied
"I dunnobout macsnshit. Push print eh, it'llbe hectic *laugh*"
I truly and fervently wanted to kick it in the non-existent boy bits and run gleefully down the road where I would inevitably be sick in the first rubbish bin which presented itself. Instead I attempted to breathe (not too deep, his smell was still permeating my immediate oxygen supply) and said, "alright, just print this. You screw it up I'm not paying for it."
I assumed the boy (read: thing) would be taken aback by the forward attitude of this small Caucasian girl with bright red hair and understatedly breathtaking jewelry but no such luck. He returned some crack that he would just say it was my document that was "assed" and I chose to ignore him.
Eventually the thing printed (on A3, inevitably twice the price) but it looked beautiful. I was informed by "it" that cutting the four excess sides from the A4 sized picture in the middle would cost me an extra $1 per cut. I laughed openly and in his face, said "no freakin way!" slammed my card down on the counter and said "on savings". I think he took a sick sort of pleasure in replying that I couldn't put $9.80 on a card - the limit was $10. I was awestruck. Completely aghast at the utter incompetence and sheer useless existence of every male in my current vicinity. I pointed at the $.60 blank CD's and muttered "for f*ck's sake..!" He got my gist and swiped the card. A moment later he said "I gotta go it again".
I'd had about 5 times too much of this so I made him print me out a receipt stating that my card had definitely NOT been charged twice (I would have made him sign in fresh blood that this were the case if it were the middle ages), put my document and CD in an envelope, grabbed my receipt and headed for the door.
Ballsy as always when I reached the door I opened it slightly, turned around and said, "thanks you f*cking pricks." and walked out promptly, leaving the door open and the icy wind swirling all the papers on the counter. Hopefully my Wicked Witch of the West-esque exit left them squealing around for hours like pigs in slops picking up all their rubbish.
*fumes* *growls* *smoke billows from ears*
"GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!"
I will be going to the print shop up the road next time, and every time, for the rest of time. I hope everyone I know will follow.
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